Being single for the first time in a long time is fucking tough. People can tell you all they like that things will work out, it’ll all be okay, etc. And they’re right, it will be. But in those first few weeks of being single it can be hard to see that. Your whole world has changed. If you were in a relationship for a really long time, there is always a period of discovering who you are as a person on your own, when for so long you were a part of a unit. In other posts, I will talk about the awesome things about being single, but real talk, when its fresh, it fucking sucks! There are many plights of being freshly single, and today I am going to talk about a few of them.
Going from a two income house to a one income house is INCREDIBLY stressful. I’m lucky that I know how to budget and I had savings, but I know how financial situations keep people in shitty relationships for so long. That’s why I strongly encourage friends of mine not to merge finances with their SO. Financial independence is so important. This somewhat links to my next point.
When I split up with my ex, after a brief stint staying with my friend, I ended up staying in the house we built together for about 3 months. We eventually sold it and I came out of it with a pretty healthy profit, but I put all that money away. I was a single girl with a dog, and many landlords don’t look too favourably on people with pets. Um, I’m sorry but my giant lazy dog does a whole lot less damage than some children do!
I definitely did not want to spend my time in a house full of so many memories. It was easier for my ex who could move in with his parents, but for me I had to find someone to live with somewhere I could afford. Luckily, a friend from work was moving out at the same time as me and my dog and I moved in with him, and that worked out really well.
On top of all that, I had to move a 4 bedroom house full of stuff basically on my own. I know I am meant to be a strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone, and I am like that now, but when I was freshly single I didn’t feel that way. It was so stressful and I felt like I had no one to turn to. I was lucky to have the help of my family and friends. These people will always be there for you, don’t take them for granted.
Shopping for One
If you have been in a couple for a long time, doing simple things like grocery shopping for one person can be super stressful. Some thoughts I had while grocery shopping in my first week of singledom:
- “What the fuck do I even like eating?”
- “How many bananas is too many bananas?”
- “Do I even like this brand of deodorant, or did I just buy it because he liked it?”
Especially if you have just had to move out and you have to buy all the basics and start new, shopping is so hard. Which leads into my next point.
Cooking for One
I still don’t have this one figured out. If I am cooking only for myself, I do one of two things:
- Cook a massive batch of food for an army and eat it for lunches across the course of the week, OR
- Eat single portions that come from the freezer.
Thank fuck for Uber Eats.
Going to Events Alone
Now this one can be fine for some people, in fact, I actually preferred going to events on my own. But the thing that really pissed me off was going to family events and people asking where my ex was, and when I told them we weren’t together anymore they would look at me so pityingly with those big eyes and be all, “Oh honey, are you okay?” YES. I AM FINE. I CHOSE THIS. IT IS WHAT I WANT.
Once, a few months after the break up when I was finally getting back into the swing of who I was and being myself, I was going to the first birthday of one of my friend’s babies. A married couple who were best friends with my ex were going to be at the party, and my friend told me that the wife had said to the husband, “be nice to her today, we have each other but she has had to come alone.” (That was very convoluted but I trust it made sense.) That really fucked me off to be honest. It was as if they thought I was brave for attending an event on my own. Smug couples can GTFO please. Like I have said previously, I don’t value my worth on whether or not I an in a relationship, but it really felt like these people were. Ok, this got salty. I’m sorry. The crux of the matter is that I am happy to go places alone, but I don’t like the way I get treated sometimes for being on my own.
I think I might stop this post here. There are many other things I could talk about, like self confidence and diving into dating apps but I want to save those for another post.
What are some other things about being freshly single that suck?
Let me know in the comments! xx